Hanasaku Iroha Episodes 22-23

Flowerhead thought her mother's review of Kissuiso was scathing and unfair. She ain't seen nothing yet.

Oh, beloved readers, it’s good to see you again.  I defied nature itself to bring you my last review but nature wasn’t putting up with any of my shit.  Six and a half days without electricity were my reward but I persevered.  My reward for that is two more McHanasaku Turdburgers with a side of who gives a shit please fucking end already!  Would you like a review with that?

I like her better without sound.

Episode 22 of Hanasaku Iroha covers a lot of immaculately animated ground.  It’s not uncommon to hear that a place or setting is a character within the story.  Kissuiso, the village, et al definitely qualify as a character given the attention they’re given.  Unfortunately, they’re the only character I can stand anymore.

"I love it when you talk dirty to me...Mom."

For the last handful of episodes Minko became less and less tolerable.  This trend showed no signs of stopping for the first half of this episode.  By the time she gets into that awkwardly uncomfortable shoving match with Ohana I had my fingers crossed hoping she’d fall backwards and open her cranium on a curb.  The bitch is unstable at the best of times and irredeemably unpleasant the rest of the time.  Flowerhead’s ability to endure mistreatment of any severity only enables Grumpy’s behavior.  Before I could even put together why they half-fought in the first place Nako is going on about how inspired she is by one of the bizarre diatribes Ohana spouted.  Bashful is a supple teenaged girl with an adult sized level of responsibility.  Am I really supposed to believe Ohana yelling nonsense at Grumpy is the first time she’s thought of boys or crushes or going for what you love or whatever horse doody was going on?  That hotel is staffed entirely by the mentally handicapped.  It’s One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest only terrible and easier to masturbate to.

Much easier.

So easy.

KidKonseptual and I had different ideas on how Grumpy would confess but we agreed it would be accidental and we were right.  Neither of us predicted how completely pointless and anti-climactic it would be.  22 episodes of will she or won’t she love triangle plot lines and all we get is “Yeah, I guess I kinda like Ohana a little bit but maybe not totally romantically.  How do I feel about you?  Hey, look, the moon is huge.  I’m sorry, what was the question?  Never mind, let’s go back and continue like nothing happened.”

Bitch, if you don't fuck the man I love I will kill you!

The wedding was sweet, if clichéd (up yours, musical montages).  Fucking thing happened super quick though, didn’t it?  Was it a shotgun wedding?  Just like the FlowerheadxTohruxNotorious C.N.T plot the wedding only took a little less than half an episode.  What the fuck, Hanairo?  You can’t just write an idea for a storyline then get bored and give up.  I mean, you can if you’re me trying to finish a NaNoWriMo novel no one will ever see, but not when you’re producing a nationally televised high budget animated project people are supposed to connect to, care about or at the very least be entertained by.

Having taught her how to cook Tohru prepares Grumpy's final lesson in being a woman.

I’ve run out of fucks to give because there isn’t any pay off coming, no reward for emotionally investing in the characters.  The hotel is closing?  Good.  Fuck ‘em.  I called it 7 episodes ago when Granny Pimphand stopped giving a shit about all the bad stuff going on with the hotel.  Bad review?  Meh.  We’re going broke?  Screw it, here’s a raise Nako.  Uncle Aizen got scammed out of the little money we had left?  Yawn, I’ll be taking a nap.

Do you, deeply emasculated moron, take this insufferable harpy to be your lawfully wedded waifu?

I know what you’re thinking.  You’re thinking what I’m typing.  Don’t freak out.  I’m just a witch.  You are freaking me out though so stop thinking my words.  Stop it.  Stop in 3, 2, 1…you’re still doing it.  Weirdo.  Oh, what’s this?  I’m getting a glimpse of something else in your mind.  The title says I’m reviewing 2 episodes.  How will I fit in episode 23 when I’ve already said so much bad stuff about episode 22?  It’s your lucky day dear reader because sweet fuck all happens in episode 23 so this’ll be short.

Apparently, dressing like a Kamen Rider throwaway character gives you a +2 to Judo but dressing like George Lucas gives -14 to defense.

As far as I’m concerned they wrapped that Ko shit up 10 episodes ago.  I don’t care.  The fucking inn is closing but Ohana’s half-baked long distance non-romance is way more important.  Dude should be porking the meganekko coworker by now not sitting around getting weepy about coffee.  Luckily we have the utter stupidity of Takako trying to get Kissuiso’s money back from the scam artist to keep us…entertained?  Her moments with Ohana were almost touching if they hadn’t failed to connect in any meaningful way.  Takako’s judo throw was well executed although if that’s all it took to find and catch the fucker I don’t know why it’s taken this long to do it.  Did they even get their money back?  I don’t flipping know.  I just…I just don’t know anymore.

Aw shucks Ms. Matsumae I'd never think something so awful as you making a young boy like me watch a pornographic film. Golly I sure am sorry for the misunderstanding but boy your daughter sure is swell. Far as I'm concerned she's the cat's pajamas!

Lol, what a faggot.

That’s all, beloved readers.  Until next week.  I love you.

Bean boner

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